Every time I'm in the bus, or every where I go, I always communicate with God and I literally asked Him for a husband. I know I was crazy (giggling) I was actually very specific with my prayers. I told God I wanted a man that has beautiful eyes with a color, bright and it sparks like a star. I was very optimistic about traveling and I told my classmates in grade school that me and my family will be moving to the states and I said the same thing when I turned high school. Oh of course they made fun of me because they thought I was crazy and just bragging about stuff that's so impossible to happen.
Let me tell you about my past relationships. I had relationship difficulties in college. I got hurt so many times and I was so desperate to be loved. I wanted to be loved so bad but yet, it wasn't easy. Few years passed, me and my sister had a huge opportunity and we started singing, we had our very first album & I wrote a song that actually became famous in the philippines. And that song was about my last relationship before we recorded the album. It's called Kulang na kulang and our band name was Joyandbevs.
2005, we received an invitation from North Carolina and it was very hard for me at that time because I was already enjoying my life there. Then suddenly God reminded me about my wishes and prayers. Things happened so fast and I didn't have a choice. My parents are happy about it and I was really angry & sad at the same time. We finally arrived in North Carolina and let me tell you this, I hate God that time. I was blaming Him and asked thousands of questions none stop all day everyday. The saddest part at the time was, my sister found a boyfriend and it made me more depressed and wanted to hit my head. She was so happy and didn't want to go back to the philippines. I had no idea how to go back.
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After few months I believe... we moved to Georgia and at that time, I wasn't only sad because I lost my career, but I was also longing to see the guy I was obsessed with. I wanted to see him badly but there's still no other choice. I found out he was already dating someone. The truth was, the person was really a good person. I was the desperate one. We didn't date at all. I knew he didn't want me. Then I met a guy and took advantage of me. I remembered one night, God spoke to me. That was when I was having a conversation with God and I broke down and was crying my heart out, begging God to answer me. But God told me to forgive. I was hesitating & even made a decision and answered Him no but He kept saying "forgive" The next morning, I decided to let it go and forgive that person.
2006 when I met my husband. It was in Indiana. There was a conference and his uncle (which is my pastor now) asked him to get my information. That was after me and my sister sang at that event. After two years they found out we moved to Elizabeth New Jersey so we started attending their church and after few months, his uncle asked me to be their worship leader. Oh that's another testimony I'm gonna share to you soon. 2007 I dated a guy from Indiana and yea It didn't work out. I've met another person from Kentucky but to make the story short, he told me he actually met me first the same time I've met my husband. They didn't know each other, it was just a coincident. But I can't recall about meeting the KY guy at that time. Me and Mr. KY guy started talking, we actually became friends through myspace and that was when I found out he already met me and he knew a lot of people that are personally connected to me especially my pastor. To keep this short and simple, he broke my heart. It was the most hurtful experience I've ever had. I wish I can tell you the whole story but I prefer to just write it very simple and easy... "he broke my heart" besides, God knows what exactly happened and I know that was the reason why He really blessed me with a good loving husband. It's simply because I forgive and learned to let it go, not just a simple let go but I literally had to surrender it.
After few months, I got invited to sing again at the conference and of course he was there. Actually 2 days before the conference, i wrote a song called "I give all the glory" and I planned to sing it at the event. When I saw him, I froze for a sec. It was actually God. He was basically telling me to smile and pretend nothing happened. Yes I did it! But It was almost like i swallowed a huge water melon in my throat. When I turned around, tears fell down and i ran to hide (it was almost like a movie) I questioned God right away about why He made me do that. The conference was over me & family were in the van, she caught me crying. Good thing i had my headphone on. I was pretending I was listening to the song and I told her how much the song made me cried. (I lied) I didn't share to them my sad story.
Nate was dating a beautiful woman at that time. She became my good friend and she was actually the one that's been comforting me and she knew my experience with Mr. KY. Then some how, Nate & her didn't work out, then Nate liked a different girl and she became my friend too and they didn't work out. I met a guy & he found me on FB and it was the most scariest stupid experienced I've ever had & ended up hurting again but yet God asked me to let go of my bitterness. While Nate was still single, I met another guy from Hawaii. Feb 2010, 3:00 am in the morning he broke up with me and & cried all day the next day. The following day, I got really really sick and started throwing up. That time, we both live at our pastor's house, Yes we were room mates but we never hang out really. He was always in school & sometimes spend the rest of his day in his room studying. But then Nate checked if I was ok. Also, I moved in to pastor's house because I had a huge family problem & it took almost a year before my family started talking to me again. That was when I got really sick & finally got a call from my dad & prayed for my healing. Also the same day, God asked me to forgive my Ex & pretend like nothing happened. March 2010, Nate confessed his feelings for me after My tailor's wedding (Uniris & Carlos) and we had a beautiful conversation that night. It wasn't very romantic. It was more of him telling a story & it felt like it was better than a fairytale story. He told me it was December when something changed and I was in a relationship at that time. (The guy from Hawaii) He said he woke up around 3:30 in the morning and he felt like God put something in his heart.
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Actually before he confessed & before I moved to the Pastor's house, he seems to be different. He was more nice and i see him a lot! And he even asked me to go to the city with him, went to the dentist with him, he even volunteered to drop me off to my parents house but I have no idea he already had feelings for me. At that moment, all i was thinking was, "I was just a sister or he just have no friends" hahah His feelings for me wasn't obvious because he kept it cool and he didn't even show any hint. And when he confessed, I told him "OH MAN THAT WAS A GOOD ACTING, YOU DID GOOD"
Here's another truth before we ended up together. Nate is not easy to get. Yes he confessed but he also asked me to wait! I didn't know if i was gonna get angry. I even had the thoughts by saying "screw this, this isn't going no where" I was really scared I might ended up hurting again and getting played again. July 2010, I had an invitation from a good friend of mine, The rich Family! I love them so dearly! Also Nate went on vacation in montana also. We always talk on the phone, he checks on me from time to time. But surprisingly, the guy I almost dated called & invited me & my sister to go out eat with him. He was the KY guy I was talking about. When I saw him, I thought I already forgotten about him. I thought the hurt was over. But the hurt came back & I was very upset. But yet, God has been speaking to me and kept whispering in my ears & reminded me about His promises. My sister got sick & Carmel Rich (My one and only loving white mama!) picked her up so the KY guy dropped me off to the Rich house.
When I was in his car, I didn't plan to talk much but yet I played it cool because God told me so. God kept changing my heart & wanted me to show mercy to him. It wasn't easy & when I got to the the Rich house, my tears over flowed. I was asking God why He asked me to do that again. Why I can't show my anger or how hurt I was. That night I had to pretend like I wasn't hurting. After few hours, I heard my phone ringing. I saw Nate's name and my heart started beating so fast & my mood changed. I was just starring at the phone and some how i froze and couldn't click the phone. Then he called again & I finally answered. After few minutes of talking, he told me he's going to tell me something and he said he really thought about it but he didn't want to tell me on the phone because he wants to say it in person. I asked him if it's a bad news. He goes "not really" and when we hanged up the phone, it left a huge question mark on my head & couldn't sleep. Me & my sister finally arrived & there he was, he picked us up. I was too tired but yet he found a perfect timing to talk to me.
He finally asked me if I can be his girlfriend. I was very happy and I didn't really expect it. I was actually expecting some bad results. After a year, we got engaged. Then after 6 months we got married... One thing I realized though..................
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